


THE HOODED HUNK OF SKYHOLD

by felandaris



Series: The Hooded Hunk of Skyhold and other bad smut catastrophies [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bad Smut, Consensual Sex, F/M, Jim is a beast, Outdoor Sex, Parody, Romance Novel, and a hairy chest, flesh pommels, manroots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:24:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8207956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felandaris/pseuds/felandaris
Summary: Why settle for a lion when she can have a tiger?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This won the [Dragon Age Bad Smut Bonanza](http://dabadsmut.tumblr.com) on Tumblr, it was that bad. Check out the blog for more smutty hilarity!  
> Also I do like to think my regular stuff isn't quite as cringeworthy. Proceed at own risk!

Sunlight sparkled charmingly in Lady Octavia Prudentia Trevelyan’s mane of platinum as she traipsed along the majestic expanse of Skyhold’s battlements. Heads turned right and left of her, as would happen anywhere she graced with her presence. But she, she only had eyes for the man walking beside her.

Commander Rutherford of Honnleath, the Inquisition’s military advisor and true desire of Octavia Prudentia’s innocent heart, was struggling for his usual eloquence, no doubt bedazzled by her beauty.

“There was something you wished to discuss?” He asked softly, manly shoulders sagging.

Octavia Prudentia rested her elbows on the stone wall behind her, reclining against the fittingly stunning backdrop.

Gathering all her courage in her bodice’s low décolleté, Octavia Prudentia spoke. “Cullen, I care for you. You left the Templars- but could you trust a fair maiden?” Endless lashes fluttered shily. “Could you think of me as anything more?

The daring question evoked a gasp. “I do think of you, I-,” the Commander rubbed the back of his head in a truly masculine gesture.

“Then what _is_ stopping you?” Octavia Prudentia’s locks danced in the breeze, creating a perfectly timed dramatic effect.

Her eyes of deep azure beckoned the hapless Honnleathian, who at last leaned in to claim her pouty mouth. Fluffy clouds gathered above the two, birds sang their blessings and the sun touching fondly upon their heads when-

“Commander?”

All of Thedas stopped moving for a second as the fiery tenor rumbled across the battlements, caressing Octavia Prudentia’s ears, serenading her heart and calling to the very centre of her womanhood.

“Scout James,” she breathed, a demure blush quickly conquering her flawless skin.

“Inquisitor,” beneath the harmless hood lingered a daring stare, “how nice to see you.”

“How nice indeed.” Octavia Prudentia floated towards the bulky beast of a third-rank scout, seeking refuge in the wall of his sturdy torso. Running petite hands over bulging muscle, she grabbed a scroll from his gloved grip, handing it over her shoulder without looking. “I believe this is for you.”

“I, ah- what?” The Commander’s surprised stammer never reached her ears, for Octavia Prudentia giggled timidly as her scouting stud swept her up into his mighty arms and she ditched lion for tiger.

Off they went, leaving behind duty and propriety in proud strides. When they arrived at the stables it took but one menacing glance from the feisty recruit to send the bearded Warden fleeing with a shriek. Without an ounce of effort, the burly beau advanced up the stairs, maiden still in tight hold.

As he set Octavia Prudentia down into the most romantic stack of hay he could find, the mysterious mercenary caught her eyes with his. They drank up each other’s gaze, finally united in fateful passion.

Sitting back on her elbows, Octavia Prudentia licked her lips teasingly, modest gaze roaming over her saviour’s splendid form. Rippling muscles threatened to tear apart the uniform any second, and at his middle called a grand bulge.

“Oh James,” she wailed, “make me yours!”

“My dear lady,” he crooned, his voice once again tingling in her toes and boiling in her blood.

The he swooped down upon her, five feet of raging masculinity. “Yes,” Octavia Prudentia moaned as sauntering kisses trailed third-degree burns down her neck. Off came the bodice, simply ripped in two by James’ hairy hands. The skirt was next, all twenty-four lacy layers flying about the stable in a wanton whirlwind.

Her mystery man followed suit, shedding his tight uniform and cryptic cloaking but for his hood, which remained framing his painfully handsome features.

When she was all freed from fabric, her knelt before her, enveloping her graceful hand in his. “Octavia Prudentia”, he massaged each finger with tantric perfection, “Rosamund Caledonia,” flaming lips traced her bosom’s panoramic outline, “Azura Rydessa Trevelyan. Your buxom beauty had me enchanted the second I saw you. Countless nights have I spent plagued by lonely, entirely chaste thoughts of you. I see now that none of those visions hold true to your magnificence.” He trailed a finger down Octavia Prudentia’s immaculate cheek bone. “Will you allow me into your womanly sanctuary?”

Tears brimmed in Octavia Prudentia’s eyed at the sincere love confession. “Yes,” she cried, “take me! _Now_!”

Adour sparkled in his eyes as he tugged at his smalls. Free sprang a most imposing rod, long as her forearm and thick as the most succulent pork sausage. Standing to attention like a hardened battle soldier, his flesh pommel was already spluttering like a fountain of desire.

“Prepare to have your ruffles rocked”, he mumbled seductively before grabbing a shapely thigh in each hand. Parting her dewy petals, he roared like the titillating tiger he was, sinking into her heavenly depths.

Octavia Prudentia sang his praise as he plunged in and out of her honey trap, each powerful thrust bringing her more divine pleasure. His manroot filled her to burst, the throbbing member growing yet larger inside her fiery furnace.

“Oh James, yes,” she cried, ballooning breasts bouncing, “harder, please! And deeper, and everything my virginity forbids me to know!”

And her sassy stallion didn’t need to be told twice, grabbing her shapely buttocks and standing up whilst never ceasing to ram into her. Tenderly shoving her against the nearest wall, he crooned loving profanities into her ear. The harmonious force of their coupling shook the very foundations of their stable which creaked with every raunchy roll of James’ hips.

“Let me prove my love to you,” he whispered loudly, reaching between their feverish bodies to stroke her button of amour. It took but a single touch of his masterful fingers and Octavia Prudentia screamed out her overflowing bliss.

“James! Yes! I’m yours! Forever,” she sobbed as another celestial crest took hold of her, and a third, leaving her wobbly as elfroot jelly.

“Yes, all mine,” James retorted breathlessly. Standing on one leg now, he continued to pound into Octavia Prudentia’s carnal crevice. “I’ll take you to live with my family in the woods and we’ll enjoy your cooking every day!”

“You _what_?” She didn’t get an answer, for in that instant her fiery tiger roared out his own grand finale, never stilling inside her.

Wooden beams fell, flooring crumbling to pieces all around them as he flooded her womb with his love cream.

Once their sweat had dried the two soulmates rested upon a dishevelled pile of hay. Octavia Prudentia’s tresses framed her beautifully flushed face as she nestled into the follicular forest of her strapping suitor’s chest.

“Oh James,” she whispered, “I will never get enough of your love.”

“But my voluptuous little vixen,” he grinned, “You can call me Jim.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well done! If you've made it this far I'm awarding you the Honorary Golden Manroot.  
> [Find me (and the boys) on Tumblr!](https://http://cullenstairshenanigans.t%20Tumblr.com) ʘ‿ʘ


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